i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I just had sex on a roof
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
