If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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