HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
