I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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