How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
