The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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