You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
