I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize