By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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