she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Alive.
So much puke
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
