I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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