i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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