It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
