when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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