So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
