i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
