Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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