Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
