I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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