ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
