Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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