so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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