And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
