I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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