I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
