Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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