i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
