so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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