4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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