WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize