i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
