Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
