I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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