All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
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