i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
