no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
