Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
