u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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