its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Randomize
