yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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