Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you win again, gameday.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
