therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize