WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
