I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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