worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
