i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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