Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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