Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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