I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
