And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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