I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
