I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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