she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
