walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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