We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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