and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
