I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
