I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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