I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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