Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
