Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
