yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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