I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
