fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
