That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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