This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
