too bad you live with your parents still
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize