I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
