how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
